Friday, April 11, 2008


We have a phenomenon here at The high school that, while assuredly not unique, does go by a name that may not exist outside this building. It's called Chip-Juice.

Chip-Juice refers to the practice of selling snacks out of a back pack. But not just any snacks. No, here at The high school, Chip-Juice means precisely Hot Cheetos and Capri Sun (flavors of Capri Sun may, however, vary.) The term Chip-Juice can be used as either a noun or a verb. It can be used as a response to a complaint or question, or in place of a person's name. For example:

Student A: "Man I'm hongry!"
Student B: "Chip-Juice!"


Student A: pokes head into classroom, obviously scanning
Student B: "Chip-Juice?"
Student A: nods head
Students A, c, and G: "They got him last period!"

Which brings us to another phenomenon: the Chip-Juice bust. A Chip-Juice bust is bad for everyone on different levels. For the Chip-Juice himself, it means loss of revenue and possible suspension, depending on his record (Chip-Juice is always male. Girls sell Fruities, which is a different post). It's bad for potential clients, because at any given time there are only two or three Chip-Juice in the building (the plural of Chip-Juice is also Chip-Juice) so they will have to go without snacks for at least another hour. It's bad for a teacher who happens to be housing the Chip-Juice at the time of the bust, particularly if said teacher's trash can is full of empty Hot Cheeto bags and flattened Capri Sun pouches, because this indicates that said teacher has turned a blind eye to the practice.

This morning during third period, the principal and two assistants came into my room on rounds. They were looking for two things: uniform violations and, you guessed it, Chip-Juice. One of the VPs was wearing a back pack, signalling his victory and showing that one C-J had already gone down in flames. The search was uneventful, but a few minutes later, a certain student who we'll call Mr. Chocolate (in honor of his promise to make me a chocolate statue of myself after a particularly merciful report card grade) returned to the room from Guidance. The class erupted into cries of "They came in here and they didn't even see your bag sitting there! They looked right over it!" Apparently Mr. Chocolate is Chip-Juice number one, and this morning he dodged a bullet.


Rita said...

Oh. My. God. That was probably the funniest thing I've ever read, ever.

Stephanie said...

This post is a lot funnier on your blog than it would have been on mine.

Chip said...

Yeah, except we don't give out the address of THAT blog to just anyone, Steph. Our tales of Chip-Juice are reserved for the lucky few.

Stacey Greenberg said...

i'd like to hear more about mr. chocolate and his promise to you :)

Sassy Molassy said...

Oh, now. It wasn't like that.He was very happy about his grade and said "Miz A., I'm gonna bring you some candy. What kind of candy you like?" So of course I said "I only like chocolate." So he said "Alright, I'm gonna bring you a chocolate YOU!"

dandelionink said...

This is so funny! I only wish my experience teaching would produce such funny stories. maybe by next year, I'll feel like I'm not just surviving this.

Branna said...

At "my" MCS high school (1) said person is just called "The Snack Man" and (2) the admin's aren't so worried about the wrappers; however, (3) the "bust" is just as universally felt.

Heidi said...

That's what I love about high school. So many little dramas.

It's better when you're teaching, because you can enjoy them without being INVOLVED in them.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Too funny.

My son sells gum at the high school--I believe he was the main man in middle school. I have no idea what they call him, but he knows he's doing a crime and he may have to do time!

Unknown said...

Can teachers be Chip-Juicers?'Coincidentally, the funniest thing anyone ever said in my classroom was "Mr. H, this test is all in Spanish" (of course, I teach Spanish.

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